Cold snap

We've had a cold snap over the past few days. I've been to the Boys' Club morning and evening to cover the beds over with sheets in the hopes that we could keep the frost from hurting anything, but to no avail. The tomato plants bit the big one last night. My own stupid fault for planting them too early. Last frost in NC is April 15th, now they tell me! It's so sad to see them, wilty puddles of grey-green sadness where healthy wee plants once stood. Luckily, the cold did not seem to bother the sunflowers that had already started poking up, or any of the greens or herbs or the strawberries. So, we're still very much in business. I'm afraid our germination rate for the warm-weather crops - peppers, watermelons, cucumbers, and such that were already in the ground - isn't going to be too great, though. Bummer.

Kings gets bulldozed tomorrow morning. I don't even want to get into it, but it's depressing as hell.

I seem to have had a bug up my butt the past few weeks, and I'm not sure what it's about. I've been testier than usual, more easily irritated, and more negative. I find myself bitching more than usual that "I hate when people do X..." or "I can't believe he didn't X..." or "I would do this so much better...." Totally obnoxious. The world can't possibly have gotten more annoying all the sudden, so it's probably me, sigh, and now I'm annoying myself.

My mind goes to a hundred explanations of why. Not enough veggies in my diet, not enough exercise, not enough sleep, too much sleep, hormone fluxes, seasonal allergies, not enough "me" time, too much "me" time.... It could be any combination of things. I worry, though, that it runs a little deeper than that stuff. I think this particular cold snap in my mood is about anxiety. The temperature is rising (or was, anyway), inspiration is flowing, new projects and ideas are springing, and I feel anxious. Lots of balls in the air. Lots to do. Lots to go well, lots to fail. Changes on the horizon. These are anxiety-inducing times.

Spring is also bringing out the birds and bees, and I find myself giving out big, goofy smiles to cute boys like it's going out of style. I've been on a man break, you see, and it's been great, but now I find myself back at square one, back to flirting with strangers in the sweet, sweet springtime. While this should make me feel all goofy and carefree, it doesn't. It makes me feel lonely. It makes me miss people I have no business missing. I feel a little bit like a recovering alcoholic who fell off the wagon. You can break a habit like that, but you're always vulnerable, there's always some part of yourself that's still addicted, and given the chance, slips comfortably back into old habits. I should write a country song 'bout drinkin', gamblin', and missin' people who ain't no good for you. Anyway, that all makes me feel kind of frustrated and weird, and kind of anxious, too....the impending doom of springtime hormone surges. (fill in eerie horror movie music here.)

Come on back sunshine, get me all warm and fuzzy and make me forget this nasty little cold snap. Sometimes it's better to just ride it and not think to far back or ahead, you know?