In the midst of my frenzied work pace of late, I've been mulling over a lot of issues around environmental justice and community building and what it all means and how it should be done and what I should be doing. I've also been incredibly critical of my colleagues who aren't doing quite what I think they should be. And I've also been seeing all sorts of non-work questions with the same lenses on: anti-oppression, anti-pretention, pro-active, pro-effective, anti-hegemony, etc. etc.
For one thing, it's kind of exhausting to carry around all these big words all the time! I remember feeling this way when I was deep in my "Anthropology of Development" coursework at school....or even last year when I was doing the first round of the Community Builders Learning Project....feeling like I was just freakin' exhausted from analyzing and deconstructing all the time, and was getting sick of picking everything apart.
It's an interesting Sagittarian curse of mine, I think, that I so love bandwagons, so love to leap gleefully upon them, pump my fist in the air, and declare myself and my cause righteous & flawless. It makes me very committed to my cause, diligent, and a great cheerleader, too. Why, I can talk myself and everyone around me into thinking what we're doing is the most brilliant and profoundly good thing anyone ever did, ever! But, there's no disappointment like a Sagittarian finding out her/his pet cause is a sham, and no depression as heavy. I feel betrayed....and by none other than myself! Oh, the bitter taste of my own idiocy!
So you see, it's a bit of a yo yo, and a bit black and white, and makes me a bit dire and negative and grumpy when something doesn't turn out like I thought it would.
I recognize this craziness, though - maybe that means I'll someday successfully be able to balance myself out a bit? Are you feeling me on that? Are you with me on that? Yes? I can't hear you! Yes! Yes! I can do it! I can do it! It's gonna be ok! (See? It's insidious.)
Anyway, there's more I need to write on this, and will write again soon. I wanted to say also that I see Superzygote has actually been pondering on related themes these days - check out her piece on liminality. As WonderTwins, we are often synched up in our righteous ponderings.
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yes, even the seemingly self absorbed feel your pain ... ie:me.
I often lay awake at night with a panic attack coursing through my veins deep with ponderances about my effectiveness as a non-profit do-gooder.
The question that often racks my brain is am I REALLY doing any good? The environment is such an intellectual pursuit. Children are being murdered by adoptive parents, and I am here. Then an article in the N&O caught my eye ... a mexican child was born with no legs or arms. This thing is going to turn into another Love Canal.
I went back to work today with a renewed sense of purpose ... and know that all my construction/deconstruction and bandwagoning will help someone somewhere ... eventually.
ps ...no spell check for comments ...forgive me
mawma, the sad thing is that i actually feel like i am starting to lose it (not my MIND, no, i lost that years ago, i mean my hum buzz whir!!). i really do. i don't know if it's the east coast or law school or getting old or a combination of the three (see my long post about it on chris' blog at http://www.happytaco.org/litt/archives/2006/03/psychological_e.php#c2057), but i feel like i am starting to become exactly the kind of person i didn't want to be. honestly, i suspect it's law school that has done it to me more than anything else. i guess it has been harder on my psyche than i thought to be in a place where i constantly feel like i am defending myself against everything. so maybe when i get my butt back to california things will click back into place. i sure hope so.
Flems and the other wondertwin, you guys are the first first ever people to post comments to my blog! I can't even tell you how happy this makes me!
Flems, you're talking about the Ag-Mart babies - VERY HOT, VERY FRIGHTENING thing right now on our radar screen, reporters have been calling my boss lady at PESTed non-stop. Here's the link to the article Flems is talking about:
Grower faces record fines for pesticides
The state wants to know whether use of the toxic chemicals led to birth defects in workers' babies
Kristin Collins, Staff Writer
"The corporate tomato grower Ag-Mart was virtually unknown in North Carolina four years ago when it planted hundreds of acres of grape tomatoes in a swath of coastal plain.
"Today, the Florida company is accused of the worst pesticide violations in North Carolina history. And state health officials are investigating whether pesticide exposure is to blame for three deformed babies born to Ag-Mart employees -- one with no arms and legs and another with no visible sex organs..."
It is absolutely fucking tragic that it takes something so sad, and so major, to shake things up and force people to examine our fucked up system of pesticide regulation and, really, of exploitative corporate industry....but, gods, I'm so glad that this is VISIBLE right now. I think the invisibility of injustice is the #1 thing enabling the to continue. At least, it sure is in the case of farmworkers and pesticide contamination.
And Mawma, I haven't read your long blog post yet (wait, on LITT and not on Zygoteville? Pourquoi?), but, BUT, I just want to say that I have the utmost faith in your capacity for hum buzz whir. I think it would take a lot more than law school to spoil it. :)
Anyway, thanks guys! More soon -
yo, billie, it's miranda! reading your post, i suddenly came to the conclusion that i'm an awful, awful, awful advocate since it's always been complicated for me to "declare my cause righteous." as a part of my family/community medicine project last month, i wrote some memos and letters to community leaders advocating for a supermarket in the bayview/hunter's point neighborhood of SF, and wow, it was hard. what the hell do i know about what a community wants or needs? plus, there's already a super awesome group of kids from that community that are already working on the issue (check it: http://www.lejyouth.org). justice, schmustice. there's a lot of righteousness and conviction in this town, and sometimes i feel people have that when they have nothing else. it felt like i was giving them my righteousness because i can't physically give them the supermarket that sells fresh fruits and veggies. alas.
anyhoo, i need to figure out how to edit my blog so i can add you as a link!
I hear you , I hear you. ;-)
Sure, you get excited about causes...and it has ups and downs......but getting excited is a beautiful thing!! (no matter wrong or right, too) The world needs idealism and hope, and work, and struggle to move us ahead. And I, unfortunately, stand on the periphery most of the time now, trying to carry on with life and work, reading about other's unfortunate events and giving thanks for my safety. Maybe you can kick me in the butt a little, get me started on something?
The Vietnam war was a huge motivator to protest when I was young. (Made no "f---in-" sense to me) so I stood on line, marched around the capital, worked on Gene McCarthy's campaign. Protested against Nixon and Agnew in college. Family life and personal interests redirected my attention. ......I'm feeling a little spark now, ....because of you...
I'm proud and glad that you are an activist, chosing work to make things better in the world around you. I've got to find a local outlet to do a little of the same. Also, if a project comes up, for you, that I could help with a bit, even from afar, and you think it's a cause I could get behind, let me know.
Dad
Mir-bop: thanks for reading, sweetie. :)
i don't think any of what you wrote makes you a bad advocate. i think it's RAD that you wrote on behalf of a supermarket in the bayview/hunters point neighborhood, from a health & wellbeing perspective. of course you don't know exactly what the community wants or needs, you don't live there. that's why you're an advocate, and not a community member or leader yourself. "advocate" is a very legit role to play. how'd you get involved in that? were you doing a rotation there? what about it was hard for you? who'd you write to? my whole job is to get people to do that kind of thing, so i'm very curious. ;)
the Literacy for Environmental Justice group looks so cool....i drool, i drool on the availability of funding for that kind of work in SF! i wonder how well their programs actually work, i mean, clearly it works to develop the leadership of the kids involved and that is rad regardless. but, i wonder if they actually accomplish anything politically, like, if they've stopped schools from being sited in toxic places, or stopped toxic emissions near schools, or something like that. you know? i'm so cynical. ;)
i've been thinking that in another year or two, i want to start working on a youth empowerment & community gardening project in raleigh. southeast raleigh really doesn't have much in the way of groceries available (well, i guess there's a tienda, which is good, and i think there's a food lion someplace...), and it's mostly african american, and has that slummier feel to it - poorer, more crime, that kind of thing. it's mostly houses though, homes, and housing projects, and there's a few parks, and there are all kinds of kids and students and stuff. there are a couple historically black colleges bordering the neighborhood. it seems like it would be a good area for something like that.
gosh, i really need to start talking to folks about this....any thoughts for me on who to talk to, raleigh-ites?
Hey Dad! Thank you for your comments of support! And thanks for the offer to help with stuff, too, I think that's excellent! I will certainly keep you posted on what goes on down here. Also, I wonder what's going on locally that would be interesting to get involved with - wonder if there's a neighborhood association where you are? Maybe even the county Democratic Party?! Hey, that'd be cool! Here's the link for the Westchester Dems, let me know if you see anything there that looks interesting:
http://www.westchesterdems.org/
Also, if you still feel strongly about war & peace, might want to check out the Westchester Peace & Justice Coalition, I just found them on line too:
http://www.wespac.org/
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