Saturday, January 27, 2007

Five Things

I've been tagged by f. pea to share five things y'all don't know about me. Now, as ms. pea also reflected, this is hard to do - I have no idea who my readers are, though I know two of you are my parents, who DO know pretty much all the bizillie trivia there is to know. I'll try and put one thing in here that even my parents don't know, but for the most part, this is for my non-family. :)

I was an art room freak. In high school, I took art classes every single semester, mostly on calligraphy and pastels. Our school's art room was connected to the yearbook office, to an outside courtyard, and also to a front room with heavily graffiti-ed cabinets and cubbies, and stained glass over the door to the main hallway. It was beautiful, and also meant no one could see what was going on in there. For all these reasons, it was primo hang out space for me and all my little druggie, nerdy, queer, artist, raver buddies before school in the morning, at lunch time, during any extended breaks from class during the day, and after school. After freshman year, I never ate lunch in the cafeteria again, not once. I never used my school-issued lockers again - all my things lived in the art room. Kids who didn't run with our freaky little crowd and who didn't take art classes thought there was something very unholy going on in that room. They'd tip toe in to get something from the art teacher, looking around in fear and fascination, as though they were expecting to find us in the midst of orgies, devil worship or drug abuse. In truth, it was (mostly) much more innocent than all that, and I am very proud of the little community we had in there....it was one of the only places you could be in the whole school and not feel like you were being judged. Not because everyone was just the same, far from it, just that the nerds and druggies and artists and queers all accepted each other and coexisted peacefully, even lovingly, in a way that the rest of the school didn't seem to be capable of doing. I think part of this magic actually came from the art teacher, Ms. D. She was wonderful, her space was chaotic and beautiful, celebratory of talent and dreams and high ideals and individuality - and also loving and warm and very very tolerant. Thank you, Ms. D. Some of the most brilliant and talented people I've ever known found refuge in your art room - it was a very special place.

I was a Jehovah's Witness for a few months in the 1st grade. My Mom was something of a seeker. We went to Jehovah's Witness church with her for a while. It was actually one of the only times in my young life that I can remember either of my parents socializing with African Americans.
Addendum: I was a founding member of the Pagan Youth Chat Group on AOL, circa 1995. We were both seekers.

I am named after a boy. His name was Billy Hines, named after his father (Uncle Billy Hines), and he was my Mom's favorite cousin. The only real story I remember about him is that he and my Mom would sit in their grandmother's apricot tree together (this was in CA) and stuff themselves silly. He passed away from Leukemia at the age of 13....I think he was very close in age to my mother, which would have made him 54ish now. I love my name, though I was very glad to survive 13.

I was born with extra fingers and toes. Four extras all together, one on each hand or foot, and all in the same place, next in line after the pinky finger or toe. They were removed when I was a little baby - at right, you see some of the last remaining evidence I ever had them at all. Count dem fingers, I dare ya! Most people actually already know this about me, but it's one of my favorite trivia items to share with people and freak them out, so why not? It's a genetic trait inherited from my Dad called polydactyly, (info here and here) though the extras I had didn't look anything like those pictures, or the ones I saw in the genetics chapter of my AP Bio textbook. I swear I am not Amish! Mine were shaped just like normal toes and fingers, but I don't think they had the support infrastructure in my hand or foot that a normal digit has- like those long bones in the palm of your hand that connect each of your fingers to your wrist? I don't think my extras had those, so they may not have ever been truly functional fingers and toes. Check out this cool list of famous people who also had or have extra digits! 1 in 500 - that may be less than are born with ambiguous genitalia, depending on which study you read! Huh!

I committed fraud in college
. Well, kind of fraud. Student groups on campus could earn money for their activities by working for a particular fundraising arm of the university. Each group could do up to a certain quota of work hours per quarter, and receive pay for those hours. My fraud scheme involved one co-conspirator - the two of us were officers in a real student group that was working the maximum number of hours, and still coming up short on money, and needing a way to get more. So we made up a new student group, got it officially recognized by the university, then signed up for work hours for that group, too. We didn't feel all that guilty about it at the time, because our real group members were really doing all the extra work to earn that extra money....it's not like we were stealing it! (As an indication of how guiltless we were, we even got a picture taken for that year's yearbook, HAH, I've still never seen the picture, but I hear it is a totally corny close up shot of just the two of us, as though the rest of our phantom student group mysteriously had not been able to make it out for the photo.) But I do feel a little guilty - I used my position of authority in the real student group to mislead other members into signing a form saying they were in the fake student group. They didn't even know that they were helping us commit fraud! Doing more work to get a couple more Gs out of your university is one thing, but lying to your friends is another, even if it is so they can have more money. Yikes!
Creative, though, wouldn't you say?

Dear readers Amy and Miranda, tag, you are it! Enjoy, loves.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Honoring MLK


"A true revolution of values will lay hand on the world order and say of war, 'This way of settling differences is not just.' This business of burning human beings with napalm, of filling our nation's homes with orphans and widows, of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into the veins of peoples normally humane, of sending men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psychologically deranged, cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice, and love. A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death." - Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr., Beyond Vietnam, April 4, 1967


Not sure about the rest of you, but today I am feeling the terrible irony of Dubya's decision to send 21k more troops to Iraq the same week as Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. It's the oldest saying in the book, but damn it seems to be awfully hard.

I am reminded of a speech I heard by Reverend William Barber last year, about the role of prophets in human society. The quote from my blog post about it: "Historically, Christian prophets have arisen at times when kings and priests aren't doing their jobs. They come to "save" people from thinking that we can be personally religious while oppressing other people. They call broad ethical principals to bear on specific applied contexts and problems in their culture. They hold society accountable."

Dr. King was a prophet. We are again in need of such a prophet. I have a feeling that she or he is already on the move....it can't be long now. In so much as I pray, I am praying.

Some MLK love for my readers to celebrate today right -

Beyond Vietnam - A Time to Break the Silence
Full text and audio of one of Dr. King's first anti-war speeches, given in 1967.

The Martin Luther King, Jr. Papers Project

MLK Online
Includes audio and video clips.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

New Year's Resolutions

The theme this year is cutting the mental and emotional fat, and better focusing my time and energy on things that accomplish a greater good and/or make me feel happy and healthy.

Now, I feel I must make an important disclaimer before I continue. I am a strong believer in leaving space in one's life for mental and emotional frivolity (a.k.a. laziness), and also in leaving room for chance, fate, spontaneity, magic, and other unplannables.....because I think these things are vital to human sanity. Children need adequate time in each day to play if they are to grow into happy, healthy and balanced adults, and I don't think grown-ups are really all that different. We need some time for pointless-but-fun stuff to keep us balanced and human, and we need to resist the temptation to plan any sort of creativity or destiny right out of our lives, or else we risk becoming desperate, substance-addicted freakazoids. So in case you were worried all this talk of fat-cutting and time-focusing meant I was planning an over-committed, caffeine-addicted, soul-sucking 2007....rest assured, I will continue to enjoy my fat and folly. My New Year's Resolutions are just about giving them a trim to make room for some other good stuff....

* Drink Less - Drink Better.
Beer and I got closer than ever in 2006. I visited Prague this summer, and in only three short days I sampled not just one, but two of the best beers I have ever tasted. Prague was the first stop on a six-city tour of Eastern Europe, and in each I wandered from bar to bar, yearning for just a hint of the magnificence of the Prague favorites, and finding none. Back in the US, I scoured the beer fridges at Peace Street Market and spent valuable time and resources trying new beers. While this was fun, the quest didn't turn up many worthwhile brews, contributed relatively little to my overall productivity and happiness, and has bloomed into a downright habit of near-daily beer consumption. I'm still a lightweight, and the daily intake probably averages somewhere around two beers. It's far from a life threatening addiction. But still, it's time and money better spent elsewhere. Like on GOOD beer, for starters. I resolve to snip PBR and other craptastic beers from my vocabulary altogether in 2007. I resolve to drink only beer that tastes good, to drink it on no more than 3 days per week, and to drink no more than 2 beers on any particular day.

* Date Less - Date Better.
I am none too thrilled with the amount of time I spent in 2006 stressing about men. And to what end, pray tell? Well, ok, ok, I am a romantic and I do believe love is a very worthwhile thing to invest your energy in, and no experience is ever pointless if you learn from it, which I really try to do, so I guess those are "ends" if "means" and "ends" are the way to look at these things, which they aren't....but I'm not really talking about the love part or the learning part, I'm talking about the stress. Dating in '06 amounted to a good deal of emotional stress for me, albeit less than some other years in recent memory. And, as in years past, I inflicted this embarrassing state of affairs on innocent bystanders like my roommate and assorted friends and family. These people genuinely want to know what's up with me and how I'm feeling, but doubtless cringe when I broach the subject of my love life, for only those outside the particular emotional maelstrom I am in can see how dumb it is. People, thank you for your patience and support, and I am sorry. I resolve to spend less time and emotional energy on stupid dating in 2007. The quiet period I'm in at present feels pretty great, and I hope it lasts a good long while, because I am GREAT at being single, I LOVE having man friends who aren't lovers, and I need the mental energy for other things right now. I am NOT taking a vow of celibacy for '07, but I am resolving to date less and date better: to be more selective, to date for reasons that I am completely proud of or not at all, and, perhaps most importantly of all, not to obsess about whoever it is that I am dating or not dating at the moment.

HAH, you say, not obsess? GOOD LUCK!

I'm serious though. Mind over matter, er, mind over hormones. Grrr.

Whew, those were my big "shall not" resolutions - how about the "shalls" ?

* Grow new projects with persistence and love.
The end of 2006 brought beginnings to several magnificent new projects that I resolve to invest adequate time, energy and love into in 2007 to make them great. The growing metaphor is not accidental here - I've signed on to head up the garden club project at the Raleigh Boys Club in 2007. I am SO excited to have a place to make a garden AND a bunch of kids to work with on it, and also somewhat daunted by all that must be done to get the garden up and running....and with no money! Whoopee! This will be fun. I truly love stuff like this. I am also blessed with not just one, but two new possibilities for musical collaboration in 2007, though Memphisto has fizzled. They're really just beginning, but both have great potential, and a great creative streak that Memphisto did not often have, so this is rather interesting and exciting!

* Spend more time outside.
I do a pretty good job of this, but I could always do better, and I know my dog would appreciate it if I did. So, I resolve to play outside more. The garden club should help with this, but beyond that, I resolve to get back into the habit of hiking every weekend, or at least taking a good long walk.

* Save money.
Ooh, fiscal responsibility is a tough one, but I now have my eyes on a particularly awesome prize, and I think it will provide just the motivation I need to spend the year saving up. And the prize is....drum roll please....a house! I resolve to save up my money in 2007 to buy a humble Raleigh home. I love Raleigh, I have no particular plans to leave anytime soon, and there are some pretty great loan programs for first time home buyers who make as little money as I do. So, carpe poverty! Sure, I'm still paying off student loans and now have payments to make on Rhonda too, but I have pretty great credit considering. Why keep giving the landlord money to pay off his mortgage when I could use it to pay off a mortgage of my very own?? :)

* Do Yoga.
I keep on saying it, and I keep on not doing it, but I know that new yoga studios are opening soon in Raleigh, and so I resolve to find a studio and a teacher I can get in to, and to do yoga at least once a week.

So them's the resolutions. I feel pretty good about them. I would welcome your help with any or all of them...like, been looking for a yoga buddy? Got an extra wheelbarrow or heap of compost that you don't have any particular use for? Want to go for a hike and not sure who to call? I'm your girl!! Or, if you see me ordering PBR, or getting sucked in to a stupid emotional maelstrom, I invite you, no, beg you to help me snap the f$#& out of it and stick to my guns. Many, many thanks for your support!

Are you all making any resolutions that you care to share? Is there anything I can do to help you have a more wonderful 2007? Please tell me about it!

Thank you, all, and here's to a delicious and delightful 2007!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Salty Dog

Miss Indy had her first visit to the beach this weekend. She loooooved it. :)

Monday, October 23, 2006

My life & used car salespeople - a three week odyssey

I've spent an inordinate amount of time in the past 3 - 4 weeks doing car stuff. Insurance, rental, shopping, test driving, researching, haggling, loan applications, at the mechanic, getting a ride to the mechanic, driving on rural highways, driving (or rather waiting) in State Fair traffic, loading the car, unloading the car, and finally buying a freakin' car. For someone who lives exactly 1.2 miles from work and prefers to spend the sunny cool days of early and mid fall on foot or bike, this has been a lot of car time, and while it hasn't been entirely unpleasant, it has been exhausting and unusual.

Rhonda!I have learned a great deal during the course of this odyssey, not only about cars, but about the human psyche at its most raw and gendered. On and off the used car lots, everything lately seems to me to be about the tension between genuine human connection and salesmanship, between strong protective maleness and aggressive sleazy maleness, and between true valuable beauty and showy hollow beauty. It's following me into bars, to work functions, even to my volunteer gig as a writing tutor. Suddenly, everyone's a salesman! Pretty weird, and definitely not all bad.

So, when it comes to a young woman buying a car, the men in her midst seem to fall into several categories:

The first, perhaps obviously, is the Dad-guys. Dad-guys are protective and trustworthy. Whether or not they are actually experts in car stuff, they have more expertise than I do, and they let me know that, as respectfully as they can. :) Now, the Dad-guys in my car buying odyssey included my own actual Dad, as well as another SuperDad I brought with me car shopping one day for back up, and the salesman I ultimately bought the car from. Dad-guys one and two were of course very genuine and pretty helpful (and I thank them!!), while Dad-guy three said slippery things to me like, "Now, you know I have a daughter, and I wouldn't let you leave here with that car if I thought you were getting ripped off. I really think you're getting a very good price." Notice how suddenly this is not a two-way interaction between him, the salesman, and me, the buyer....he's made it into a three way interaction between him, the trustworthy Dad-guy who has my best interest at heart, me, the smart daughter, and some mysterious car selling third party that he is protecting me from? Interesting sales ploy, eh?! Hah! It's smart though, and I bet it works. My Dad probably doesn't know more about cars than the average industrious gent, but he is inextricably bound up with cars in many of my childhood memories. My Dad has been on more road trips with me to more places than any other living creature on the face of the planet, by a factor of five at least. We've been to FL and back several times, cross country to CA twice, and to and from half the state parks, campgrounds and concert venues in the Northeastern United States. (Not to mention our road trips in China, though technically neither of us was driving, so I'm not sure if that counts...) I remember very well driving with my Dad from FL to NY when I was about 4 years old in the new yellow 1984 Volvo station wagon he drove for the next 20 years. He had a CB radio that he hooked up, and we talked to truck drivers and to the receptionist at the motel we were headed for. "Breaker breaker, this is Mr. Yellow, do you copy?" I've been on the phone with my Dad during every major and semi-major car situation I've ever encountered - break downs, repairs, stranded-on-the-highway situations. My Dad even taught me to drive. Of course, I didn't pass the first road test I took, but he's still the primary car guy in my life, and so Mr. Salesguy picked the right sociocultural associations to make. Slick!

Then, the second type of man in my car-buying life: the Cousin-guy, which I have dubbed Cousin-guy because this class of gents reminded me of my cousin Josh, who helped me when I was buying Pablo. They're much younger than the Dad-guys, but older than me and far more knowledgeable than I am about cars. They're very helpful to have around and mean well, but they can take the whole thing a little too seriously and are prone to getting a little pissed at me if I don't follow their advice to the letter. Veddy interesting.

The third group is the Uncle-guys, whom I have dubbed Uncle-guys because they remind me of my Uncle Nick of Hyannis Foreign Auto - Cape Cod, MA. My mechanic in Raleigh, Harry, is DEFINITELY an Uncle-guy, and not just because he's from Boston and sounds like the Car Talk guys. ;) Uncle guys are brief and to the point, extremely helpful in just the ways you need them to be, they watch out for you, but they never ever imply that you're an idiot. Esotic was mostly an Uncle-guy during the Rhonda mission, too.

The last type is the Desperate-type, characterized by flipping between one of the above types and something much less subtle. The phrases "We can work something out for you on this number," and then "What will it take?!?!" are characteristic. If you don't run screaming, you can actually get a very good deal out of these guys by telling them exactly what it will take. In the case of the guys who sold me Rhonda, I actually used a little desperation-stoking strategy I will from now on call the "talking to Mom" strategy - this particular salesman was helpless against it. It involved sitting in his office with his door closed on the phone with my mother for about 30 minutes. She checked the car price on Blue Book for me, which was helpful, but mostly it made him very nervous, made him think I was about to leave without the car. When I came out, he was ready to take just about any price I offered. Sweet!

Anyway, it was a highly interesting journey through paperwork and maleness, with lots of interesting sociocultural stuff to ponder under the surface of it. Thanks for reading folks - I'll post pictures of Rhonda soon!